DEAR ISSAC,
its been a long time since i posted a sad post,
so i shall post one today..
its shd be a happy post instead..
shd be happily saying happy birthdays to people..
posting pictures how i enjoyed myself these few days..
but just now, i think of these few months..
i think my life isnt really very good now..
basketball like shit.
love sucks.
i am broke.
my SA1 grades is poopoo.
stress.pressure..
there is only one thing tt is ok now
-my studies.
consolation? my chinese and maths Common test scored well.
30/40 for chinese and 22/25 for maths..
just now i asked my dad whether he cld get me a new shoes cause my national games are coming..
and my brother started making this whole thing.
he started saying i dont treasure everything cause i didnt pay for it.
and he diedie have to speak up about the incident where by i caused his phone to be stolen..
my siemens phone spoil, he said i DONT feel the pain, cause i didnt pay for the phone..
now he say i didnt treasure my basketball shoe, cause its not my money thats why the sole so fast rub finish..
i couldnt even trust myself to talk, neither look up and see my brother.
i just kept looking down..
and finally, he said he will lend me 100 dollars
and i have to pay him back by the end of the yr..
i felt so tired all of a sudden..
nobody in my family understands me..
the only who understands is like a world apart away frm me..
i bet no one knows what is happening in my life.
and i know its my fault.
i lack of communications with my family.
but i know too well,
once i talk, alot of arguements will start coming up..
so this is what happen usually
i go home, i will say hallo mom..
shower and use the comp..
dinner time i dont eat with my family
i eat alone at comp table..
den i continue to use comp..
my mom will sometimes come and nag me if not thats the end of the day i talk to her.
my elder brother.
4-5 times per week i dont even see him at all.
when we talk, we argue and quarrel.
my 2nd brother, i see him everyday.
but we dont even talk. when we talk, its something unpleasant.
my dad.
i only say hallo to him when he comes home.
sometimes a little more conversation..
other than tt. no more.
wait wait, do you or i see any 'hows your day girl?' or ' how have you been lately?'i've NEVER in my 14 yrs of life, heard my dad,mom, brothers said tt to me before.
i still remenber when i gave my father see my trophy, proudly show it to him,
he just looked at it,
said ' this is yr basketball zonal trophy ah?'i said 'yeah.. we got 2nd :D'he just orh me.. den went into his room..
yes. mom never said anything at all.
my brother doesnt know anything.. how i feel..
when my hp spoilt..
he thinks im feeling nothing..
but he didnt know i made a oversea call to my jiejie and crying to her my spoilt handphone..
he didnt know how much scrs and bruises this shoe brought me to.
he think i want my shoe to be spoilt now? he think i can ask my shoe dont so easy spoil?
there is still alot i feel like ranting..
but i guess i dont want to..
i know they aint supportive abt me playing basketball..
perharps they dont know my love for it.
and but, im still grateful they bought me two pairs alr..
whenever i dont want to be reminded of him..
people will start asking me or telling me abt him..
cause heres my promise made tonight..you can count on me for life..cause thats when i love you..when nothing you docan change my mind..these words are over alr..
im over you alr.
you can feel it. so do i.
but what it is that is bothering me?
i need money. i really need.
but money wont drop frm the sky.
asking from my mom is seeking for death.
i want to work. but no work for me..
plus i got ttraining..
so many problems suddenly
BOOM drop onto me.
i wish my mom can ask the sch to counsel me..
serious. i want a counsellor..i think i need counselling..
but i dont know how to ask my mom for it..
i really want someone whom i can see face to face and talk to her..
i cant tell anyone whats bothering me..
and keeping everything to me sucks, the feeling..
jiejie can you help me ask mama?KIMLI<3
vintage_kim
